The Issue

Ever since the clothing ban went into effect, some citizens have been complaining that they have no place to put their car keys. A veritable parade of flesh has passed through your office to present their opinions.
The Debate

"I just don't have enough hands for everything I have to do," says Ariel Cruz, a pizza delivery worker and former raincoat model. "Pockets are very important for keeping our keys, wallets, and loose change. Maybe you can at least let us have pants or something, just for the pockets. Besides, it's almost impossible to make change while carrying all this pizza. Please, repeal that law and let us wear clothes again."

"Well, I assume you banned clothing for a reason," says Peter Rikkard, who overheard the conversation while emptying your trash can. "But I can appreciate the problem of not having anywhere to put your keys. At least the women have purses. Maybe you can just pay a former fashion designer to come up with a purse that looks presentable when a man carries it."

"That's a valid point about purses," says John Longfellow, the new office intern. "But I'm enjoying all the naked girls running around on campus. How about you just make it legal for males to wear clothes and keep the females naked? After all, as the saying goes, the clothes make the man."