The Issue

A recent broadsheet special on the children of other leaders in Peach Island has brought attention to the lack of children in your own residence. Mindful of your dipping approval, some of your advisors have begun to wonder if some popularity could be won back by having a kid or two.

The Debate

''This is a golden PR opportunity,'' exclaims Tim Parke, representing Moral Minority. ''Imagine: you'd be the wise family figure. Think how much the people will love your new baby. You'll be the epitome of family values leading everyone into domestic bliss. And think of the merchandising! I mean, think of the children."

Maxford University demographer and suspected eugenicist Al Falopian disagrees. "The fact is our nation is overflowing with young ne'er-do-wells. They commit more crimes, are more prone to rudeness, and, worst of all, are least likely to care about your good works, Holy Emperor. We have to send the message that we are going to do something about the troublesome demographics, and a good place to start is by you staying childless. And if we really want to crack down on population growth, we need to double down on border security too."

''Or how about adoption?'' schemes Falala Bronte, your PR expert. ''I could see you with a nice adopted Lilliputian boy and an adopted Maxtopian girl. It would look great in front of the cameras. You could be the most multicultural and tolerant leader in Peach Island! And if everyone follows your lead, the orphanages won't be nearly as dreary!"

This is the position your government is preparing to adopt.

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